Even After All These Years
by dgronison
Summary: Quinn takes a trip down memory lane as random songs from her high school years played on her phone. All Faberry cut scenes in my head canon mostly through Quinn's POV. Slightly AU and there are no spoilers.


**A.N.#1:** And, I'm back. I never knew writing one-shots (this one's a looong shot, though) could be very therapeutic for me. I was having another meltdown the other day and decided to take it out through writing some of my Faberry feelings. Also, this is unbeta-ed so pardon my mistakes. Feel free to give a review for them, please! Without further ado, here it goes. Enjoy!

**Disclaimer:** Glee and all the songs quoted and mentioned in the story are obviously not mine.

**EVEN AFTER ALL THESE YEARS**

"_You know, everybody keeps talking about staying in touch and I want to make sure that we do._"

It's been 1 and a half month. 44 days since she moved to New Haven. 7 weeks since she, along with the Glee Club sent off Rachel Berry as she finally hopped on the train that would bring her to New York where she will, undoubtedly, fulfill all of her dreams. Quinn sighed and watched as her breath fogged up the window beside her. She slumped a little on her seat, reached for her iPhone and earphones and let music drown the chatters and noises of other passengers on the train.

"_Hey moon, please forget to fall down… Hey moon, don't you go down._"

She closed her eyes and felt herself smile a little. As the chorus plays on, she felt herself drift back to a memory of the past: a time where a certain brunette caught her playing with the piano.

***Start Flashback***

_Sophomore year. Two weeks after Coach Sylvester kicked her off the team and officially dumped her to Loserville. Finn still doesn't know about Puck being the real dad and not him. It makes her feel nausea every time she thinks about the lie she started. The only thing that seems to relieve her stress and worries nowadays was playing the piano. Secretly, of course. She may be a loser now but she won't let anybody, not even Glee club, know that she likes playing the piano. Well, used to. She stopped attending her lessons after getting in the Cheerios. It will interfere with her practices and her plan on being named as the youngest Head Cheerleader in the history of McKinley High. _

_After every Glee club meeting, she nonchalantly waits for the other members to leave so she can have the choir room, specifically the piano, to herself. It was never a problem for her to keep that secret until one day, Rachel Berry forgot a piece of her precious sheet music in the choir room._

_"Quinn? Why are you still here?" The blonde felt her fingers still on the keys and heard the last note fade when she heard the brunette's inquiry._

_Quinn slowly turned to face the brunette with a slight frown. "N-Nothing. I was just… killing some time. I don't feel like going home yet." She cleared her throat so that her voice would stop wavering. "Shouldn't I be the one asking you that?" A perfect eyebrow arched to mask her sudden nervousness at being caught._

_The brunette slowly, but surely, approached the other girl and replied, "I came back to get my sheet music. As you know, I will not be able to practice properly knowing that I left one here even though it's not really that much important."_

_"Whatever." Quinn stood up and started to walk towards her bag. "I should probably go home now, anyway." She only has a few steps ahead before going out of the door when Rachel spoke softly. Whispered, almost._

_"Northern Downpour."_

_The blonde froze for a few seconds before facing Rachel a little. "What?"_

"_I heard someone playing the piano before I reached the room. I never expected to see you. It was quite a surprise._"

_The self-proclaimed diva sat on the piano bench and patted at the space beside her, silently asking Quinn to come sit with her. The ex-Cheerio was scuffing her doll shoe at the ground. She was kind of nervous about this invitation and doesn't really know how to respond. Lifting her gaze off the ground, she looked at the brunette wearing a smile she's never seen before. Not one of those overly-big, all-teeth, Broadway smile she always wears. Hesitance suddenly gone, she strolled towards Rachel but sat beside her a few inches away, holding and rubbing her stomach uneasily. _

_"If all our life is but a dream, fantastic posing greed then we should feed our jewelry to the sea…" the brunette crooned quietly and turning her head to look at the blonde, staring at her knowingly. Quinn felt herself smile a little and let her fingers play the keys as she catches upon the verse Rachel is singing. Suddenly, every problem of hers drifted away as the singer get to the chorus. That day, she learned that while playing the piano lessens her worries, Rachel accompanying her made all these fears forgotten. Even for a second. She didn't care that the girl learned about her secret because for once, she didn't feel alone._

***End Flashback***

As Quinn slowly let her eyes flutter open as the song comes to an end, she felt disappointment brewing on her gut. It never happened again. She didn't let it because she's too afraid to let her walls down in front of Rachel. She hates being vulnerable around people. It gives them the power to see through the protection she's created for so long and leaving herself open for attack will only leave her helpless. She huffs at herself on how stupid she was back then. Rachel never took advantage of her especially during those times when she felt weak and defenseless. Instead, she stood there beside her, supporting her all the way even after all the horrible things she did to the girl.

_"I know this is a feeling that I just can't fight. You're the first and last thing on my mind."_

She bit lower lip to contain a goofy smile that's about to come out of her lips. She must have been so busy letting herself down from recalling all those mean things she did back then that she skipped listening to the song currently playing. The song reminded her of another encounter she had in the past which was surprisingly involving the brunette diva again. Quinn closed her eyes and let her mind take her into that old memory during Junior Year.

***Start Flashback***

_"Blue?"_

_She found herself staring back at those intense brown orbs narrowing at her. "Quinn, how will you be able to help me think of songs to mash-up for early 2000s week if it looks like I need to educate you about boy bands first?"_

_The blonde leaned back on her seat and deadpanned, "I don't even want to be here, Berry. I felt bad for Mr. Schue practically begging me to help you because of some teamwork and unity issue he's been on for the past few days." Then she huffed, "And for the record: I'm not stupid. Of course I know some boy bands. I pretty much grew up listening to their music. Honestly, I think I am very shocked to know that you're familiar with one, much less listen to one."_

_The diva gasped at the re-instated Head Cheerio indignantly. "Well, now you know that I do listen to other genres of music such as pop. Even if I'm headed to Broadway, it doesn't mean that I will limit myself from appreciating other varieties. I am an artist and I think it is only necessary that I must be flexible singing different songs ranging from ballad, RnB, country, hip-hop and even rap."_

_Quinn just chuckled at the rant Rachel gave her. She knows that the brunette is capable of singing basically anything. Now, she can't stop imagining the diva rapping some Eminem song. The blonde shakes her head a little helplessly because she doesn't understand why she find the girl's rambling (and maybe the idea of her rapping) adorable._

_"Whatever you say, Berry. I don't care whatever genre you're planning to listen or sing to for this week as long as we finish this immediately so I can go home and rest."_

_…_

_When they finally agreed on what songs they'll use for the mash-up assignment, Rachel insisted that Quinn borrow her 'Best Boy Band Songs Compilation'. She accepted the CD just so the girl would stop nagging her. As she sat on the driver's seat, she contemplated on opening the radio or… _

_She took one look at Rachel's front door and decided to sate her curiosity. She put the CD in the player and noticed that the first song that's playing was the one Rachel played awhile ago before they went bantering about boy bands and different music genres. She let out a quiet laugh as she started the engine, humming along with the music as she went home._

***End Flashback***

Quinn sighed deeply as she opened her eyes yet again after the last note of the song faded. She still haven't returned that CD to the girl 'til now. Rachel never asked for it back, either. She never left it at Lima, though. She still listens to it sometimes whenever she's in an upbeat mode or whether she wants to feel as enthusiastic and positive like Rachel Berry. It looks like her taste for music was also influenced just as much as her life by the brunette herself. It used to be a disturbing thought back then but right now, she couldn't care less anymore.

_"We may not get along as perfect as you are but is that a surprise… oh, dear…"_

She cringed subconsciously as she remembered the last time she heard this song. Quinn took a shaky breath, tightly closed her eyes and tried to fight the memories swimming at the back of her mind as her jaw tightened.

***Start Flashback***

_As soon as she came home, Quinn immediately went straight to her room upstairs after grunting a response to her mother. She jumped at her bed and covered her face with a pillow to muffle a scream. She can't believe she asked Rachel about that song. Of course, the girl is singing it 'to Finn and only Finn'. What gave her the idea that maybe the brunette was also thinking about her when she belted 'Here's To Us'? The blonde removed the pillow and gave out a helpless and distraught sigh. She's just so confused and it is making her dizzy. The way her chest felt so warm while Rachel hugged her and the way her breath hitched as the brunette tightened her hold… It felt like…_

_She shakes her head, trying to dismiss the thought and reached for her laptop to play some music. Hopefully, it'll help her relax and organize her thoughts as she prepares for the wedding. Okay. There it is again, the swirling in her stomach that makes her want to throw up whenever the wedding was mentioned. Standing up, the blonde walked towards her closet to get the pink bridesmaids dress. After changing into it, she sat on her vanity table to put on some make-up when she heard a new song on her playlist. It was a new single from State and Madison, an indie band that was recommended while she was trolling around Tumblr one night. As she listened carefully to the lyrics, she can't help but feel overwhelmed with all the perplexing and disturbing feelings she encountered awhile ago. But then, the only person in her mind right now was Rachel. To be honest with herself, it's always been Rachel occupying her mind these past few days since the girl told her about the engagement._

_The guitar riffs and soothing voice of the vocalist helped Quinn relax, even for a little. She can't understand for the life of her why she badly needs to stop this wedding and she's 'this close' to losing it. Finn will probably kick a lot of chairs and Rachel will be her stubborn self but she will try to persuade them to stop the wedding. She took her phone from her bag and texted the brunette._

**_Ran home to get my bridesmaids dress. Be there soon._**

_Her mind may be puzzled right now but her gut tells her that she NEEDS to do something… and she will._

***End Flashback***

She managed to stop the wedding but she almost lost her life going through it. '_Happy thoughts, Quinn. Happy thoughts.' s_he told herself. What matters now is that she's here, very much alive and the accident stopped Rachel and Finn from making the worst mistake of their young lives. She sat up from her slight slouching position to rest her elbow on the window railing as she looks outside. Tapping her right foot along with the music playing on her phone, she sent a small prayer of thanks to God for giving her a second chance to live again.

There are some times though wherein she can't help but wonder if Rachel and Finn would have went on with the wedding if the accident didn't happen. Would she have the courage to stop them even if she finally gave the brunette her 'blessing' for the wedding? If the wedding did happen, will Rachel still go to New York, make her dreams come true and leave her 'husband' behind at Ohio? Or the diva would be able to convince Finn to come with her to start their future there together? She scowled at herself for thinking those possibilities. Especially now that all these would be impossible since the couple broke off their engagement and relationship before Rachel took off to New York.

_"Searching all my days just to find you. I'm not sure who I'm looking for. I'll know it, when I see you…"_

Ahh. John Mayer, her sort-of love guru back then. She chuckled at that thought which made the lady beside her look at her amusingly. Smiling back awkwardly at the stranger, she averted her eyes to look again outside and reminisce that day she took a bus to go to the train station and send Rachel off. The day she learned something very important that she should have known all along. Or maybe she did know, she's just not ready to accept it yet during that time.

***Start Flashback***

_Oh great. The heavens seem to choose this time for her to get stuck on traffic. Tsk. Just great. Okay, maybe she is overreacting a little. She left her house 10 minutes earlier because she wants to have more time to be with Rachel before their other friends take turns on saying their 'goodbyes' and 'good lucks' before the diva goes. She smirked knowing that the punctual attitude of the brunette is rubbing off on her. Besides, she kind of swore driving for life now and if she ever wants to have a seat on a bus, she must get there at the stop early._

_"Staying home alone on a Friday, flight on the floor looking back on old love… or lack thereof." _

_Her smirk slowy fading to a frown, she turned the volume up of her new phone where she is currently listening to pass by the time. She decided to tune in to the radio for today apparently so she doesn't know the title of the song but it sounds familiar to her ears._

_"After all the crushes have faded, all my wishful thinking was wrong. I'm jaded and I hate it."_

_'John Mayer… but what was the title of this song again?' She looked outside and saw blurry scenery flashing beside her as she listens to the song. Did they cover it in Glee Club? _

_"Until then I'll hide in my bedroom. Staying up all night just to write, a love song… for no one…"_

_'OH! Love Song for No One… I think I heard this back when…' she gasps quietly as she remembered listening to this one back when she's helping Rachel compose a song for Regionals. She can't remember why it was in her playlist since there were only a few John Mayer songs that she liked listening to. But then, she felt her eyes widening a tad as she listened to the bridge part._

_"I could have met you in the sandbox. I could have passed you on the sidewalk. Could I have missed my chance and watch you walk away? Oh, no way… "_

_Her heart clenched as images of Rachel came onto her mind. Rachel smiling brightly at her; Rachel drenched by a slushie; Rachel singing a solo in front of Glee Club; Rachel wearing her wedding dress in the fitting room… Everything suddenly rushed into her. The feeling of something warm coiling on her stomach whenever the brunette hugs her or simply touch her. The way her stomach dropped whenever she sees Finn leaning down the diva to give her a kiss back then. The way her heart skipped a beat when Rachel told her that she's the prettiest girl the brunette ever met. How her heart soared with hope when the same girl said "Do you not understand what you mean to me?" that night at Senior Prom._

_Tears blurred her eyes and she looked up at the ceiling of the bus to prevent it from falling. Why does everything make so much sense now? Why not during that day she was so confused as to why she needs to stop the wedding? Why not learn it after her near-death experience? Why not after that night at Senior Prom when she gave up her dream to give it to the brunette? Why not yesterday while she helped Rachel pack things for New York?_

_She can't do it now. She doesn't know what she wants to do! What will she even say? The bus stopped near the train station and she stood up on her seat, wiping tears that escaped and sighed helplessly as she walked towards the train station. She willed her tears to stop when she saw some of the Glee clubbers already waiting there. She'll cry later. Just not now in front of everyone, especially Rachel. God, Rachel. She choked a sob and breathed deeply._

_"Hey Q! Over here!" She looked up and saw her friends waving at her to go there. She waved back and gave them her best fake smile. She won't break. Not yet. She's good at hiding and pretending after all._

***End Flashback***

The first few days without the brunette were tough. She tried to distract herself by packing the things she will bring to her new life at Yale. Although the two of them exchanged texts and Facebook messages, her replies sound awkward and forced at first after she learned the revelation that she might be in love with the girl. Scratch that, she IS IN LOVE with Rachel Berry. She didn't let it get in the way of their newfound friendship, though. It also didn't stop her loving the girl from afar. When she learned that the brunette officially ended her relationship with Finn 3 weeks ago, she didn't take advantage of Rachel at her vulnerable state. She knows that the diva would do the same thing for her if ever the roles were reversed. When she found out about this NYADA student named Brody, who's primarily the reason of the break-up, she only prayed for Rachel's happiness if she ever decided to date the guy. She may sound like a martyr doing all these things but it doesn't mean she's giving up on her. She wants to but she just can't. She's gotten into deep and the only thing she could do now is to pray that she'll get over the brunette someday and when it finally happens, she'll be able to find happiness for herself. Hopefully…

As her last thought ended, she heard a new song play on her phone and it made smile softly after hearing the familiar piano chords on the intro.

_"I know how it feels to wake up without her. Lying here all alone, just thinking about her."_

She continued to support Rachel throughout the girl's break-up as she could. They texted, emailed and called each other but recently, these interactions developed and became Skype sessions. Busy schedule aside, both of them tried to keep up with each others' life. These sessions were the best part of Quinn's day. Especially lately that she's been hearing (and seeing because Rachel demonstrates it on webcam with adorable faces) how the diva keeps on turning down date offers from Brody. There were also those times when she feels herself blush whenever Rachel looks at her in an intense way on the screen, subtly flirts with her through some of their banters and the girl being a little worked up and slightly jealous whenever she casually mention guys and girls trying to ask her out on dates. Things may feel different now but she still can't help put some of her walls up. She thinks that maybe the brunette was into her somehow but she's very careful about treading this line. She's pretty sure that she's very much gay for Rachel Berry. She wants to be her girlfriend and not just a phase for the diva… or worst, her rebound.

_"If you see my girl just tell her I miss her smile. Tell her I'm counting the minutes, gonna see her in a little while."_

When she landed on her stop, she started humming the song that's playing and got down the train. She took off her aviators, hanged it on her shirt and looked around the noisy station. She removed an earphone from her ear and moved to get her phone.

**Just arrived at the station. Where are you?**

_"Still can't believe her hold on me, she's something indescribable. I know she knows but won't you please…"_

"QUINN!"

The blonde immediately turned her head around to see the owner of that familiar and melodic voice. She took off the other earphone left and saw a flash of brown hair, printed dress and long bronze legs before she felt gravity taken away from her. If she likes Twilight and was a werewolf, she's totally imprinting on the brunette who's half-jogging towards her and literally jumped at her once the girl got near.

"Oh my God, Quinn! You're here! I can't believe you're here! It's been so long!"

She staggered backwards at the sudden hug attack but returned the embrace just as tight. Chuckling, she whispered, "I missed you too, Rach."

Both of them pulled back for a few inches and looked at one another, memorizing the faces they haven't seen for awhile. The blonde can't think of anything else as she lets herself drown from the brunette's sparkling dark brown eyes. She decided to indulge the sight in front of her and smiled tenderly at the way Rachel looked back at her with an expression she only saw her wear whenever she looks at Finn.

Someone clears their throat behind them and spoke, "I really don't want to interfere with your little love fest here but someone needs to before the two of you melt each other from all that eyesex." Oh yeah, Kurt.

The blushing girls reluctantly released each other and Quinn reached an arm to give Kurt a hug, "Well, hello Kurt. How are you?"

"Still a little nauseous from all that hugging there but I'm fine now." Kurt pulled back and looked at her from head-to-toe. "Looking good as usual, Fabray. Yale's been good to you, isn't it Rachel?" he said, smirking a little at the still-flustered brunette.

"Y-yeah." The diva managed to squeak then cleared her throat. "Of course, Quinn looks astonishing as always." The blonde blushed again at the sincere compliment, bit her lower lip and thanked the brunette.

Rachel just gave her that big, bright smile that never fails to make her smile back. "Are you hungry? Kurt wanted to eat lunch with us before he goes back to work."

Quinn took the other girl's hand and squeezed it. "Sure. Lead the way."

"Finally! Let's go." Kurt strutted in front of them as they make their way out of the crowded station.

As she felt Rachel intertwining their fingers and smile at her shyly, she just smiled back and tightened her grip on the brunette's hand. She's getting that warm feeling again and this time, she knows the reason why she feels that way. For now, she's contented knowing that the other hand clutching hers that's squeezing back, feels like the beginning of something wonderful.

**A.N.#2:** I know that she will never get the chance to read this or any fics that I will ever write but I want to dedicate this to KC. All the songs I chose for this fic came from the playlist I created for you. Thank you for being such a great muse. You never fail to inspire me. J

**A.N.#3** Songs I used for this fic:

Northern Downpour – Panic! At the Disco

U Make Me Wanna – Blue

Dearest Restless – State and Madison

Love Song for No One – John Mayer

Tell Her – Jesse McCartney

**Beeteedubs, the title came from a song also. It's a line from The Script's 'For the First Time'. The Wanted's cover of that song was playing in the background that time while I was thinking of a title so there it goes. :p


End file.
